Keep Your Friends, Your Sanity AND Your Dating Life
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Balance is a major component in life. Its even more crucial in your world of relationships. I’m not talking just about your romantic entanglements, I’m talking… friends, family, co-workers and dates/mates. We’ve all met the guy who lives at the office to get adequate “face time” and genuinely wonders why we can’t paint the walls that soothing grey cubicle color at home too. Or the girl who drops her circle of friends the minute hot man in the city asks her out for the third date.
Having only one person on your island can lead to some very lonely days and nights. Sometimes you just need a break, a new point of view or a different kind of interaction with someone. When you narrow your world to your significant other or one best friend or only your boss’s opinion matters in how you spend your time, the other person runs the risk of becoming way too significant in your world or loosing all significance in the face of over-exposure and resentment.
Some simple things to keep in mind to keep your focus clear…
Balance your free time by scheduling get togethers with the different people in your life who are important to you. Thursday night — dinner with your best gal pal, Friday — go listen to live music with a group of friends, Saturday date night, Sunday family time. Mix it up, keep a routine… whatever will add support and encouragement to your week rather than stress or boredom.
Try to limit your conversation about the new guy, friend drama or your family mayhem to a dull roar. No one person in your life wants to feel like the only reason you spend time with them is to get free therapy. In essence, when you are talking about someone else — that person is there with you taking up that time you meant to spend with your mom, girlfriend or best pal. Most people need safe friends to bounce things off of — but respect your patient friend by asking about their life as well!
When you bring a new significant other into your group, keep separate time to spend with the people who have always been important to you as well as the person who is becoming really important to you. It assures your friends that you are still the same person, allows you to maintain a support network larger than one person and also tells your new s.o. that you are a balanced and complete person even when they are busy or not around. (Something a healthy person will look for even if they don’t consciously realize it)
Don’t neglect yourself. Take the time you need to have your alone time. When you ignore your need for sleep and prayer or time to just relax with a book or catch up with your journalling — you run a definite risk of starting to resent the people in your life who you perceive to be stealing your “me” time. Unless you have told them you need to take some solo time, you can’t expect them to read your mind or take care of you for you. Take care of yourself and carve out the time you need without apologies.
If your friends/boss/boyfriend/family starts giving you feedback that they never see you anymore or feel like you are just fizzling right out of their life… listen! They may or may not be right, but if they are someone you care about and want to keep in your life, you blow off the comment at your own risk. Sometimes other people see more clearly when you are out of balance and sometimes they are just upset because you are adding people to the island that they are used to having all to themselves.
If you are having trouble figuring out where and how to spend your time, just tally up the hours you are spending each week with each different person or group and see if the hours equal up to where that person /group fits into your priorities. An example… you have a new girlfriend that you are really interested in but are having a hard time making plans with her because Monday is trivia night at the local pub with the “gang”, Tuesday night is beer and brats with your old college buddies, Wednesday night is church with your church friends, Thursday is dancing at the dance hall with your church friends, Friday is reserved for dinner and guy time with Vince… your b.f.f., Saturday is traditionally bowling night with the guys and Sunday is game day. You MAY consider that you need to clear a night or two in your schedule to make room for your new interest or she will quickly find another interest that isn’t you.
When you reside in that sweet spot of balance and companionship, life can really be a whole lot more enjoyable.
